Dear Nick,
I am posting to a blog for the first time ever!!!….in order to tell you how impressed I am by your story and Lizzie’s unique and poignant documentary. This is what I wrote about it just after I saw it for the first time:
” ‘Today’s Man’ is a film created by Lizzie Gottlieb about the coming of age of her autistic brother, Nicky. Lizzie’s film has enabled Nicky to share with us his world, his aspirations and the barriers he faces as he tries to “become a man”. Because Nicky’s language, like other autistics with Asperger’s, has been spared, he is able to describe the experiences of autistics, where most with the disorder, who suffer a language impairment, can not. Using his remarkably eloquent language, he is thus able to convey what it is to be autistic.
The film shows quite accurately the social, emotional, cognitive and behavioral issues that affect the lives of people with high functioning autism everyday. While Nicky’s vocabulary and verbal skills are astounding and his memorization and calculation abilities reveal a remarkable intellect, one is struck by the fact that he cannot go out into the world and be the man he wants to be (nor the man we imagine he would have been!) His atypical tone of voice, awkward style, immature interests and need to do everything “his way” and the same way make him unacceptable to most “typical” people in “typical” places. In a world where social and emotional demands are high, a lack of social /emotional skills is devastating. In a world where things are ever changing and adaptation is a skill required every moment of every day, Nicky’s inflexibility and emotional immaturity leave him unable to cope.
What the film does not tell is that Nicky is one of the lucky ones. He has language to inform others of his difficulties and needs. He has the day-to-day skills needed to allow him to be semi-independent. Most individuals with autism do not have either of these skills and are left unable to communicate well enough to have control over their lives and unable to function well enough to have control over their independence.
Toward the end of the film, we see Nicky in an element where, for the first time, he fits in: an Asperger’s group. The relief on his face (and that of others in the room) as they share their life experiences is heartwarming, for there is this sense that finally he is not alone. Lizzie gives us hope for Nicky through this vignette but points out that these positive experiences for Nicky have been hard to find. Nicky’s parents and Lizzie herself are well aware that Nicky’s future happiness and safety depend on finding a secure environment for him to live in once his parents can no longer provide this for him. But where will that be for Nicky? … and where will those more severely affected that Nicky be kept safe?
The incidence of autism is rising, now occurring in at least one in every 166 children. What this film conveys most importantly is that even those with high functioning autistic disorders cannot fend for themselves and therefore require tremendous support from society. The solution for Nicky is finding him a future home. The solution for us all is finding the cause and a cure.”
Nick, I am a doctor working in Boston and I specialize in trying to improve the lives of children and young adults with autism and Asperger’s. I also do research to help figure out what is different about the brain of autistics and what causes that difference. I think the film you and Lizzie have created can teach people a lot about why the work I, and others like me, do is so important. You two should be very proud of the tremendous contribution you have made….a contribution which is likely to help improve the lives of many people.
Thank you.
Katherine M. Martien, M.D.
Neurodevelopmental Pediatrician
Ladders Clinic
Massachusetts General Hospital for Children
Boston
Good morning
This blog was helpful as I am about to order the DVD of Todays Man. I have an adult daughter with Aspergers, high functioning and attends college as well as working part time for a fortune 100 company. I am always interested in hearing from others that are either responsible for an Aspergers family member or a clinician working in the field in an attempt to understand and add value to their lives. Thankyou for your helpful blog.
M.J. Summmers MyJacob@AOL.COM
I have ordered the DVD and can’t wait to receive it. My son is 29 years old and was diagnosed with Asperger’s over a year ago. He is also very high functioning. We went thru years of misdiagnosis and frustration. I read the review and was so moved with Nicky’s experience of finding others like him. I would so love to meet or talk to another adult with Asperger’s, and I would so love to meet or talk to another Mom and/or Dad who has walked this long road of frustration with the child they love so dearly. We have been so isolated before diagnosis and after. If you attempt to tell people about Asperger’s – most have never heard of it or maybe heard it being made fun of on TV – like on Scrubs and Becker. Then when you explain they treat it like it’s not “real”. My son went through college with no accomodations and earned a History degree – went back and took all the education classes he needed to teach. Struggled with the first certification test (standardized) – then sailed thru the second one which was content and subject knowledge – you can imagine his knowledge of history – he used to read our encyclopedias.
We are struggling now with the last component of his certification to teach , and it is a real struggle. He must do an apprenticeship in the classroom for 12 weeks – in order to do that he would have to quit his job as a parapro in a severe and profound classroom where his specific responsibility is to “shadow” a child with severe autism. This experience has been wonderful for him. I think he feels needed for the first time and he really understands and connects with these autistic children – as he says “I know how they feel”. I could go on and on. I was just hoping to “connect” with a parent or professional that could help us with info or resources. My son is kind, sweet, smart, polite, handsome, honest, hardworking, punctual and charmingly naive – he means the world to me and I want to help him be self sufficient
and to find his place in this world. I am so weary of obstacles and road blocks – and I’m so tired of crying. I have always been his advocate – but at 29 – he needs someone besides Mom to help him thru the system. Any ideas or guidance will be appreciated. Nicky – if you are reading this – I can’t wait to see your movie. I will write again after we watch it as a family. God Bless You!!!
I too have an adult son with ’something’ that has been going on since he was three. At that time, the language around thses kids was ‘language based learning disability’ and Pervasive Personality Disorder and in my case, developmental delay. Not ALL Asperger’s are genius level, you know, another misconception. There can be a dual diagnosis!
Before I climb too much further up onto my soapbox, I want to say what I ‘really’ want to, after finding this site in general, but particularly Joy’s comment: he needs someone besides Mom to help him thru the system. I have been my son’s best friend his entire life. His father left when AJ was 10 (and I had 8 year old twins as well). He simply could not handle having a less than perfect child. We have no contact with him still, so AJ missed out on any male role modeling. I was blessed with two men counselors who each made multiyear commitments to us as a family and made an extraordinary difference in this boy”s life. In the last few years, research on my own led me to Aspergers and it is now being written into his neuro evals, so I have some professional backup during support actions. Like you, Joy, I feel blessed to be able to help this astoundingly handsome and generous young man find his place in the world.
I would like very very much to connect with you. I’m going to post my email address here, and would be glad to hear from anyone else, too! When AJ was in middle school, I ran a support group for parents of all special needs kids in our area and had a membership of about 40 people, so I’m well aware of the need to connect with others for support, information and simply sharing stories with folks who truly ‘get it’!
And to Nicky and Lizzie,
How blessed you are to have each other! You have learned so much about life from each other, that much is obvious, about life and especially about love: unconditional, joyful, nurturing REAL love! I have always wanted to do exactly what you guys have done: make a film about AJ and his life. Nicky, you are a STAR in this movie and in ‘my’ life now! I know sometimes its hard to be out there in the world, but I also know that, like AJ, you wouldn’t change much about yourself. AJ says that Aspergers is what makes him HIM and he knows that he is AMAZING! Did I mention that he is SEVEN feet tall with red hair! Nobody forgets him, that’s for sure! I’m sure no one forgets you, either. I know ‘I’ won’t!
You have my permission to post my email address: kfw27@msn.com. I would love to hear from either of you or any one else out there. I believe that we all have a very important place in the world, adding to the awareness of people who have such interesting personalities and the people who accompany them.
I send love to everyone here and in our world at large. WE make a difference and isn’t that what life is all about!
Are there any video clips available that I may use to put in a lecture on Asperger Syndrome? I have bougth the DVD but do you have an editable version? Thanks.
I have to say that Today’s Man is the first thing I’ve found that actually shows some of the dilemmas a person with Aspergers and his family experience on a day-to-day basis. Cognitive intelligence is not a guarantee of being able to transition into an independent, self-sufficient adulthood. Today’s Man is a tool that I plan to share as much as possible with young adults with Aspergers, families and professionals. As a parent I really worry about how my daughter will go on without me. Today’s Man will help me to educate others so hopefully I can get things in good shape for her to be independent.
I am part of a program at Ohio State University called Aspirations. It is a series of 9 classes for young adults with Aspergers, PDD-NOS, and HFA to teach social skills and independent living skills. Some of the young adults are very resistant to coming due to the fact that they have coped on their own and believe that everything is ok. Some have college degrees, many are in college, some have part-time jobs with support, some are in high school, some are at home hoping to find something to do. Some of the young adults find Aspirations a place where they can be who they are and talk about what is hard for them – especially social situations that haven’t gone well. I have volunteered to meet with the parents while the young adults have their classes. It is amazing how similar our struggles as parents have been. There are no magic answers but just sharing helps us parents to feel like we are not alone and can problem solve some times and share resources that have helped or not.
Once the young adults and parents have completed the 9 classes, they can go on to the monthly Reunion Meetings. The young adults do social things and informational programs while the parents meet. Some of the activities have included kayaking (with special support), going out for pizza, shopping for gifts. They have had speakers like a person from OSU sharing about dating and having them role play. They also had people from Disability Services from OSU and Columbus State Community College come share how disability accomodations work. I have found for the parents that this is a golden opportunity to have guest speakers – people one would like to meet and this group provides the perfect opportunity. We have had lawyers, a local psychiatrist,people from the college Disability Services office come share with us.
The person who runs this program is Jeff Siegel and his email address is Siegel.45@osu.edu
I have also started a group called Beyond Us – Families of Adults with Aspergers, PDD-NOS, HFA. We have had only two meetings so far but I see this group as an active force to get out among the disabilities community and the people in charge – to make ourselves known with the hope of making things right for our young adults. We are determined that they be safe and have a life of their own – Beyond Us. I hope we can eventually invite a legislator or two to our meetings. We need help to do things like housing that will help with the problem of isolation. Also, we need to get things in place to provide stability so having food and shelter is not dependent upon income earned from employment. And probably most important – we need to find ways to help our young adults live their lives to their potential (especially after we’re gone), so they don’t just sit at home watching tv, playing video games, and fearing leaving home.
Thank you again, Lizzie, for making something so special – for sharing your brother, your parents, and your heart. Thank you, Nicky, for helping us understand what life is truly like for you. I wish you both the best and hope to get updates on what you, Nicky, are doing.
As an adult man (almost 40) with a recent diagnosis as a textbook case of Asperger’s, I have found a disappointing dearth of resources available to assist with my navigation through neurotypicalland. I was adopted at an early age, and only recently learned of my birthparents. Interestingly, Joy, I am a Wheeler, and my half brother is autistic. Further, my father is an almost carbon copy Aspie, but does not want to acknowledge our similarities, to my amusement. Anyway, the Wheeler Y chromosome seems to have Asperger’s coding, and you have provided additional support to the hypothesis.
Liz, I thank you for your effort and sincere care for us Aspies. Certainly I do not desire to be ‘cured,’ but do find discrimination against me in almost every workplace environment- which, as is common, has forced me to work from home to survive at all. The toughest part of having Asperger’s is being just functional enough to survive while also not being socially acceptable enough to excel, therefore no help is available. Scorn and rejection are our common experiences. Sure, I can tell you the day of week for any date and spurt out the decimal expansion of pi from a stream of consciousness and at a rate of hundreds of digits per minute, but I remain alien in a world of dishonesty and dishonor. Life would be much easier if we were to build our own community or township inhabited exclusively by Aspies- for only we truly understand and can trust each other.
Perhaps as resources continue to improve thanks to the efforts of good people like you, Liz, neurotypicals will grow to respect and assist our unique condition, for it is largely we who invent and bring new insights to civilization. Nurturing and assisting us often directly benefits society as a whole. As a friend of mine noted, if I had my rent covered for just a few years, relieving that huge burden off my consciousness, my mind could concentrate to complete my physics and electronic breakthroughs to bring new motors and energy production systems to market. In days of old, kings and queens assisted the brightest minds such as to improve the kingdom. In today’s world, politics and popularity, and verily demographics, control availability of financial resources, ultimately defaulting to the lowest common denominator. The world economy suffers, as any with a broad scope of attention can decipher. What a world we live in when tomorrow’s world is sold for today’s profit. But tomorrow will come. It is up to us to prepare. And in helping Aspies, and others with gifted minds, that future will be a better place indeed.
I have both watched the film and met with both Nicky and Lizzy and I am just honored to say that I also have aspeger’s and lizzy’s film is a wonderful portrayal of her brother and is a wonderful film that both people who have aspergers and those who have family members or friends that have this condition should watch in order to maybe get a better understanding of what living with aspergers is like.
BRAVO Lizzy and Nicky
Hi,
I am responding because Lizzy’s statement about difficulty finding and providing services to the adult population with AS is so true. I worked in adult services with a parent who is nationally know for her advocacy for adult services…and in our state compared to others they are better. But the problem I find as I work more with adolescents with Asperger’s is the combined problems of depression, anxiety and then the social issues that are part of the syndrome. I have found that if the therapist, school and person providing behavior or social training are working together as a team, then the individual can transition with minimal supports –but it requires a team effort with willingness for therapist if involved being open to change their methods a bit. It also requiers interventions within the home, as tranfering methods from an office to home setting is very difficult. I have had some success with this, and in others it just does not happen. Individuals with AS are so amazing and have so much to offer, but there is often so much difficulty getting others to understand. Encourage all members to get together and share information–not stay on each other’s turf–it can make a very big difference.
Thank-you for sharing your story.
I anxiously await it being on TV Tuesday.
My own dear son, a teenager, has been given this label to
help him identify he may need assistance to navigate this world.
I have come to see him not as one bit disabled, but alternately
abled and he gets to be an angel here on earth to keep people
grounded in our humanity. He reminds us it is our calling to look out for one another. That should not be a hardship.
I hope Nicky accepts he has a certain skill set that comes easy
for him, perhaps a skill set that is difficult for him, maybe
even a set of third skills he may not ever have. Remind yourself
Nicky we all have 3 skill sets. I am really quick at talking,
slower at listening, and I will never be a track star, or a
down hill ski racer. All of that is okay. I try to put myself
where talking is what is required, listening to a lesser degree
and not where I have to do any athletic competing.
Collect data on people’s skill sets and surround yourself with persons whose strengths support your weaker areas, and who are in
need of your strength. Life is reciprocal, more than you know.
Thank-you again for sharing your story knowledge is power.
BLF.
What a wonderful pleasure and blessing to come across the articles on your documentary! I will most certainly watch it tonight – as will Lila and Brian – who sent the articles my way! Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Nicky, I remember our dear friendship in grade school. To this day I have fond memories of spending time with you and your loving family over playdates as children. Of course, how could I forget your amazing thoughfulness as a friend and of the birthday cards in the mail long after grade school graduation. I have often wondered how you and your family are doing. I’m so proud of you and your sister for coming forward with this groundbreaking personal story.
I enjoyed the film; thanks for sharing your story with us.
In the film you mention wanting to meet other people who have Asperger’s. I am wondering if you participate in any of the internet chat rooms and message boards for people with Asperger’s and other kinds of ASD? If not, you may want to check them out. There are some “Aspie” groups on MySpace, too.
What a wonderful movie! Now Nicky is a glamorous star — a very handsome man with great taste in movies and music. He is very lucky to have a loving, dedicated, educated, financially comfortable family. I know several young, and not so young, (mostly) males who are challenged by their places “on the spectrum”. It was encouraging to see the group meeting.
Thank you for making this very, very good film.
Has the film been shown at any Jewish Film Festivals?
I will suggest this be considered for our local JFF.
By the way, what WAS that awful MTC production??
Also, I fondly recall Maria’s many performances at WTF.
I just caught the tail end of this film and was so excited to see it. I am a teacher at a very small private school in Colorado. We currently work with students with learning differences and I have four Asberger’s students in my class. I absolutely adore each one of them, they bring a whole different perspective on the world we inhabit. I am constantly learning new ways to observe my world through their eyes and someday more people may recognize that this is the way our world is supposed to be. There is no normality in people and if there was we would be a very boring and uncreative race. I am truly inspired by Nicky and would love to have him come visit my students so he can see that very slowly in our part of the world we are helping people understand this wonderful group of humans.
THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU LIZZIE. I THINK YOU NEED AS MUCH HELP AS YOUR BROTHER, IF NOT MORE. There is one scene in the film where the sister (and I am assuming the sister in the film is Lizzie? My apologies if I am wrong) is complaining to her mother about the possibility of taking care of her brother in the future, and if somehow the mother and son(Nicky) could get a plan of action that would begin the process of decreasing her reponsibility in the situation. First of all, Lizzie, your fake sense of caring for your brother is probably doing more harm than good. I think you need some counseling if you actually consider yourself “helping” your brother in such a reluctant manner. Then, you have the audacity to make a documentary with the motive of getting credit and capitalizing off of your brother’s misfortune? How insane the ones are who consider themselves normal. As if that’s not enough, you use the phrase “fascinating disorder ” at the very end of your little self-inflated proclamation about the film, which is extremely insensitive to the situation. You should be ashmaed of yourself. There is nothing “fascinating” about a young man who is struggling daily to simply fit in and feel comfortable in life. There is nothing “fascinating” about a person with a disorder that creates struggle and suffering. If you, Lizzie, are indeed the same sister who complained about the amount of responsibility you presently have with your brother, I am very sad for your friends and family who have to put up with such a bratty, insensitive woman as yourself, especially for poor Nicky who has to endure the “bothersome” and “charitable” outlook and feelings of his sister’s reluctance in “helping” him.
It was one lucky morning, January 9th, around 2am, that I stumbled upon this edition of Independent Lense, “Today’s Man.” From the start I was captivated by the story that was being told, of how well the sincerity of the family, the parents, Nicky, and his filmaker sister, was delivered through this documentary. It truly is an incredible film.
The ending also makes us think more of our humanity, because as adults, many are faced with situations of caring for older adults – our parents, adult children with handicaps, and others with situations unique like Nicky.
I read an article in today’s (01/09/08) St. Pete Times (TBT) written by Felicia R. Lee (New York Times) regarding “Today’s Man.” It was the first I heard of it. And the first time I recognized MY BROTHER in someone else. Thank you for sharing your story. Let me share mine with you. My brother, Charles, just turned 49 in November. It’s hard to believe he’s almost 50…except for his gray hair, he’s very young looking…and acting. He has no wrinkles…and he still has a look of innocence in his eyes, albiet they have a far away look in them. Like your brother, Nicky, “Charlie” was never diagnosed properly. As a baby he didn’t crawl…he scooted. He didn’t talk much, so when he had something to say we all listened (I should mention that I am 8 years older than my brother…my sister is 10 years older than him). One day when he was about 3 he started talking and I could swear he was saying what I was reading on the television screen (credits were rolling by). He was! So we asked him what else he could read and pulled out a newspaper…which he read with ease. After that my friends would have him entertain them. They would give him a date in history (e.g., 1066) and ask him what happened then…of course, he always knew. He had a hard time in school…by the time he got to high school he was well known as being “different,” but no one could tell us why. He graduated with honors, even though he still couldn’t tie his shoes. He went on to college and earned a degree in accounting but, like Nicky, he still hasn’t mastered shaving. It’s good to finally have a name for what makes Charlie different…and to know we’re not alone. Forty-five years ago…we thought we were. We didn’t know how someone so gifted (and adorable) could still struggle with everyday life. I can’t wait to view your film.
I wondered if the parents sheltered him too much. I wonder if they insulated him from the hard truth that you can’t always debate with people, you have to do what bosses tell you to do, and you can’t expect life to always be happy.
I just finished watching the beautiful piece about your brother and wanted to thank you. I was tremendously moved by his and your family’s story and I thank you and him for the willingness to be so open in sharing this with us.
I have a very close friend who is so brilliant, and incredible memory for detail of music, math, films, philosphy, computers and he has such difficulty with his social skills and impulses. Things slip out of his mouth that make it very difficult for him to live in the world. He can’t keep a job no matter how talented he is with computers because inevitably he says the wrong thing. He was born into a family with much mental illness who responded to his poor social skills with abuse and severe neglect. His brilliance has confused social service agencies who have also neglected him and not provided him with the support system that he needs, especially without a family that would stick by him. He has been homeless and on the verge of homelessness many times due to losing jobs or saying the wrong things to landlords. The funny thing is that what he says usually is true. He just has no ability to judge when is the right time, place and person to say it to.
I am a social worker who has struggled to help him to become more stable and it has not been easy. Not easy because his family is not available, most social service agencies make it very difficult to access the help that is needed and mediating between my friend’s lovable but extremely difficult personality and the world has been challenging.
After watching your story about Nicky I wonder whether my friend has Aspergers. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, Bipolar, Impulse Disorder and schizophrenia amongst other diagnoses over the years. I am going to look further into Aspergers and see if we can get any further along.
It was an honor to watch a family who is loving in the midst of the challenges. Thank you and I wish you, your brother and your family all the best.
As a mid-30’s Adult Aspie in San Francisco, I am amazed at how many resources there are in New England for Adult Aspies. I would love to have gone to that Adult Aspie support group.
But there are some Adult Asperger’s groups and events in Northern California, and I run an email list where such events get announced. I hope it will be okay to announce it here. The web page to join is:
bravo – wonderful, sensitive touching film that resonated with the wonder of people who live on the boundary lines and see and experience life differently then the society at large – i love how you opened up the film with his metaphor of being born by the wind – brilliant –
coincidentally i too am working on a sound/photo portraits series “BoundaryLINES” and “Madness & God” that might resonate with you (see below or JamesKusel.com)
i spend a lot of time with people who have been hospitalized for having both the gift and curse of thinking and seeing things differently – and i like to say are “too sensitive and often too smart for their own good” they see things maybe we who are so called more well adjusted wish we could see and at other times glad we don’t see them – they desperately want to belong and at the same time are afraid of not belonging and wish they could they could blindly go along to get along like many of us in society – we pretend we are sleep walking pretend we are numb and dumb and zombies – but inside we all know the world is not what it appears to be… and yet we all have a little of the wonder like Nick who has glimpses of the unimaginable who see the world with wonder and delight or horror or both but differently. some of us deny we feel and some of us wear our insides on the outside like Nick and there is much we can learn from Nick and people who are different
it also struck me as Nick said he needs the tools to handle life on lifes terms but he doesn’t know where to find them or where is where – he not only doesn’t fit the world but the world doesn’t fit him and he is aware of this too – he too walks the boundaryLINES between his world and reality and what i believe he is silently crying out for is tools, reality checks that many people have learned for better or worse –
in more primary times people like Nick and many others who society in its psycho-phobia lump together under the term mental illness; these were the people you went to, to get insights into life
BoundaryLINE is a series of ongoing conversation (work in progress) with my dear friend James Kusel who has what some have diagnosed as bi-polar and he calls himself a bi-polar bear because he swims in the winter and says “he was brought up by the mental health system” has developed his own reality check tools that might resonate with some – you can hear james and i in conversation talking at JamesKusel.com – food for thought
bravo – wonderful, sensitive touching film that resonated with the wonder of people who see and experience life differently then the society at large – in primary times people like Nick were seen as having special gifts, insights into life and the humanity – we discard these gifts because they don’t fit our norm and yet these people are the dreamers the artist who see life differently not for what it is but for what it could be – we can learn much from Nick – but one thing i think worth thinking about is maybe Nick is an artist a dreamer, somebody who has a special gift to climb metaphors and trees and sing about the wonder of things – i think we need to appreciate people like Nick for who they are and not romanticize or demonize them but enjoy them – we can learn much from Nick – like the wind we all come from – keep dreaming and fighting for your dreams Nick even if it just feeling the wave of calm and quiet and the possibilities in watching Mr. Rogers Neighborhood – sanity and normality is over rated – geo (at) JamesKusel.com
Bravo Lizzy….. Bravo Nicky….. Bravo Maria and Bravo Bob…your honesty is extremely poignant the dilemma is clearly spelled out and real. I appreciate the clarity honesty and love it is made with. It is a rare moment that one can articulate all these feelings (((in front of a camera)))and keep it pure .. and not be afraid to express….. I saw Todays Man on the air the other night and have been thinking about it since…. I know I came from an extremely complex family and unfortunatlely there was NO forum to feel and communicate … no less my sister.. nor my parents so that is why I honor this expression so much..
Thank You Lizzie….. Thank You Nicky .. Thank you Maria and thank you Bob
I miss you all…. maybe we can make a moment. Love Marjory
Oh my goodness–
Our PBS station aired this in the wee hours–3:30 if I recall. Let me tell you–it was well worth getting up that early. I’ve been recommending this dvd to everyone I know with a child on the spectrum. So beautifully done. I laughed and cried because as a parent I’ve lived some of the same situations. Thank you and bless you!!!
I really am sorry to be posting this blog on your site Nicky but in Jan I ordered online and paid for 2 copies of your movie that I wanted to give as gifts to my sister whose son has autism and my best friend whose son has Asbergers. I have never received the copies of the film and have tried twice to send emails to the email addresses I could find to ask why I have not received my copies.
If you could help me with this I would really appreciate it.
I have been a teacher for fifteen years. In those years I have been a magnet for children with different learning styles because I know that, what is most important to being a true educator, is to BE with the children, as Who they are. You cannot teach someone unless you acknowledge, accept and understand them, thereby enabling them to be present in the room.
I have taught kids with ADD, ADHD, Asperger’s, autism, dyslexia, severe depression, selective mutism, and more. Last year out of 19 kids, they gave me 17 with learning differences, with no aides to help. Other teachers told me I had to just let some kids “go”, not to worry about them, but there is no one who comes to me that I will not connect to in order to understand how they function best and who they are.
I have taken a year’s leave of absence this year to study all of these learning styles and have come up with an astounding, affirming, paradigm-changing understanding of what is going on. These are not “abnormalities” that we are seeing but rather the evolution of the human consciousness through a re-embrace of the right brain, the place of empathy, inspirations of genius, the love of music, movement, drama, insight into human personal growth, technical and/or hands-on giftedness, and connection, indeed, “to the wind”.
I have written an article that I would very much like to send to you. In it, I address the giftedness of many different types of individuals who have been wrongly categorizing as with “abnormalities”. Instead of abnormalilties, these individuals have an orientation toward a new “normal” …toward compassion, profound understandings, and behaviors that can save us all from the left-brain, linear thought-driven systems and invasive world that we have created.
Hi. You might want to consider trying infrared brain stimulation. I have AS and while I’m still in the dark about how safe this treatment is, I haven’t regret it (it has been 5 years now).
Before this, I tried several ordinary things, gluten&casein free diet etc. but nothing really worked until this. It made a HUGE difference. Life used to be so hard, my diaries were filled with somewhat bizarre thoughts because I had so much trouble understanding myself and others and making out what I actually felt so I could express it in words. Before I had to do a lot of “offline-processing” (out of social situations) to make at least some progress. I could go on and on… It didn’t change everything. I don’t work, for example because ATM I’m still too depressed for that. But my sense of self is much clearer and that has given me more self-respect. Living independently also isn’t so much of a burden anymore. You said in the documentary that watching TV makes you happy and you don’t want to give that up. I can relate to that but deeper inside you there is a want and not just a want but a need, to go beyond that, to be free of the TV. And not free as in financially independent necessarily, although that is a big thing too, but first of all, to become less dependent of attachments.
IT’s very cheap, under $100. But it is experimental. I have a few extra devices so if you’d like one, you could just send it back if it doesn’t work for you (I know of only one other AS-person who has tried it, with success though) and get a refund. I do live in Finland though, and the shipping charges are $13 one-way and you’d have to get a local 110V/12V transformer for it.
If you’re not interested in this for any reason, check out “rTMS Asperger’s” in google. You’ll come up with some interesting anecdotal experience as well for that method.
For those who are offended because of my suggestion of changing brain chemistry this way, I’m not sure what to say. I know there are philosophical and ethical aspects to consider. But… personally I think that while these kind of inventions should not be used to justify a homogenous society or fix the effects of bad parenting, they should be available for those who’d like to use them.
If I were a parent of a baby AS child, and knowing how positive the effects were on me, I might be tempted to use it on him/her. Simply because I would very much question the necessity of his/her suffering to come because of endless misunderstandings and lack of empathy from peers and folks outside family. Maybe one should wait until the child can talk sufficiently to voice his/her thoughts about the effects. But anyway, life with AS is going to be a challenge anyway – I would like to ask, does it have to be a very difficult struggle?
Thank you for visiting the Today’s Man site. Nicky will be posting and responding to comments on our blog–we invite you to post your thoughts as well.
Dear Nick,
I am posting to a blog for the first time ever!!!….in order to tell you how impressed I am by your story and Lizzie’s unique and poignant documentary. This is what I wrote about it just after I saw it for the first time:
” ‘Today’s Man’ is a film created by Lizzie Gottlieb about the coming of age of her autistic brother, Nicky. Lizzie’s film has enabled Nicky to share with us his world, his aspirations and the barriers he faces as he tries to “become a man”. Because Nicky’s language, like other autistics with Asperger’s, has been spared, he is able to describe the experiences of autistics, where most with the disorder, who suffer a language impairment, can not. Using his remarkably eloquent language, he is thus able to convey what it is to be autistic.
The film shows quite accurately the social, emotional, cognitive and behavioral issues that affect the lives of people with high functioning autism everyday. While Nicky’s vocabulary and verbal skills are astounding and his memorization and calculation abilities reveal a remarkable intellect, one is struck by the fact that he cannot go out into the world and be the man he wants to be (nor the man we imagine he would have been!) His atypical tone of voice, awkward style, immature interests and need to do everything “his way” and the same way make him unacceptable to most “typical” people in “typical” places. In a world where social and emotional demands are high, a lack of social /emotional skills is devastating. In a world where things are ever changing and adaptation is a skill required every moment of every day, Nicky’s inflexibility and emotional immaturity leave him unable to cope.
What the film does not tell is that Nicky is one of the lucky ones. He has language to inform others of his difficulties and needs. He has the day-to-day skills needed to allow him to be semi-independent. Most individuals with autism do not have either of these skills and are left unable to communicate well enough to have control over their lives and unable to function well enough to have control over their independence.
Toward the end of the film, we see Nicky in an element where, for the first time, he fits in: an Asperger’s group. The relief on his face (and that of others in the room) as they share their life experiences is heartwarming, for there is this sense that finally he is not alone. Lizzie gives us hope for Nicky through this vignette but points out that these positive experiences for Nicky have been hard to find. Nicky’s parents and Lizzie herself are well aware that Nicky’s future happiness and safety depend on finding a secure environment for him to live in once his parents can no longer provide this for him. But where will that be for Nicky? … and where will those more severely affected that Nicky be kept safe?
The incidence of autism is rising, now occurring in at least one in every 166 children. What this film conveys most importantly is that even those with high functioning autistic disorders cannot fend for themselves and therefore require tremendous support from society. The solution for Nicky is finding him a future home. The solution for us all is finding the cause and a cure.”
Nick, I am a doctor working in Boston and I specialize in trying to improve the lives of children and young adults with autism and Asperger’s. I also do research to help figure out what is different about the brain of autistics and what causes that difference. I think the film you and Lizzie have created can teach people a lot about why the work I, and others like me, do is so important. You two should be very proud of the tremendous contribution you have made….a contribution which is likely to help improve the lives of many people.
Thank you.
Katherine M. Martien, M.D.
Neurodevelopmental Pediatrician
Ladders Clinic
Massachusetts General Hospital for Children
Boston
Good morning
This blog was helpful as I am about to order the DVD of Todays Man. I have an adult daughter with Aspergers, high functioning and attends college as well as working part time for a fortune 100 company. I am always interested in hearing from others that are either responsible for an Aspergers family member or a clinician working in the field in an attempt to understand and add value to their lives. Thankyou for your helpful blog.
M.J. Summmers
MyJacob@AOL.COM
I have ordered the DVD and can’t wait to receive it. My son is 29 years old and was diagnosed with Asperger’s over a year ago. He is also very high functioning. We went thru years of misdiagnosis and frustration. I read the review and was so moved with Nicky’s experience of finding others like him. I would so love to meet or talk to another adult with Asperger’s, and I would so love to meet or talk to another Mom and/or Dad who has walked this long road of frustration with the child they love so dearly. We have been so isolated before diagnosis and after. If you attempt to tell people about Asperger’s – most have never heard of it or maybe heard it being made fun of on TV – like on Scrubs and Becker. Then when you explain they treat it like it’s not “real”. My son went through college with no accomodations and earned a History degree – went back and took all the education classes he needed to teach. Struggled with the first certification test (standardized) – then sailed thru the second one which was content and subject knowledge – you can imagine his knowledge of history – he used to read our encyclopedias.
We are struggling now with the last component of his certification to teach , and it is a real struggle. He must do an apprenticeship in the classroom for 12 weeks – in order to do that he would have to quit his job as a parapro in a severe and profound classroom where his specific responsibility is to “shadow” a child with severe autism. This experience has been wonderful for him. I think he feels needed for the first time and he really understands and connects with these autistic children – as he says “I know how they feel”. I could go on and on. I was just hoping to “connect” with a parent or professional that could help us with info or resources. My son is kind, sweet, smart, polite, handsome, honest, hardworking, punctual and charmingly naive – he means the world to me and I want to help him be self sufficient
and to find his place in this world. I am so weary of obstacles and road blocks – and I’m so tired of crying. I have always been his advocate – but at 29 – he needs someone besides Mom to help him thru the system. Any ideas or guidance will be appreciated. Nicky – if you are reading this – I can’t wait to see your movie. I will write again after we watch it as a family. God Bless You!!!
Dear Joy and all,
I too have an adult son with ’something’ that has been going on since he was three. At that time, the language around thses kids was ‘language based learning disability’ and Pervasive Personality Disorder and in my case, developmental delay. Not ALL Asperger’s are genius level, you know, another misconception. There can be a dual diagnosis!
Before I climb too much further up onto my soapbox, I want to say what I ‘really’ want to, after finding this site in general, but particularly Joy’s comment: he needs someone besides Mom to help him thru the system. I have been my son’s best friend his entire life. His father left when AJ was 10 (and I had 8 year old twins as well). He simply could not handle having a less than perfect child. We have no contact with him still, so AJ missed out on any male role modeling. I was blessed with two men counselors who each made multiyear commitments to us as a family and made an extraordinary difference in this boy”s life. In the last few years, research on my own led me to Aspergers and it is now being written into his neuro evals, so I have some professional backup during support actions. Like you, Joy, I feel blessed to be able to help this astoundingly handsome and generous young man find his place in the world.
I would like very very much to connect with you. I’m going to post my email address here, and would be glad to hear from anyone else, too! When AJ was in middle school, I ran a support group for parents of all special needs kids in our area and had a membership of about 40 people, so I’m well aware of the need to connect with others for support, information and simply sharing stories with folks who truly ‘get it’!
And to Nicky and Lizzie,
How blessed you are to have each other! You have learned so much about life from each other, that much is obvious, about life and especially about love: unconditional, joyful, nurturing REAL love! I have always wanted to do exactly what you guys have done: make a film about AJ and his life. Nicky, you are a STAR in this movie and in ‘my’ life now! I know sometimes its hard to be out there in the world, but I also know that, like AJ, you wouldn’t change much about yourself. AJ says that Aspergers is what makes him HIM and he knows that he is AMAZING! Did I mention that he is SEVEN feet tall with red hair! Nobody forgets him, that’s for sure! I’m sure no one forgets you, either. I know ‘I’ won’t!
You have my permission to post my email address: kfw27@msn.com. I would love to hear from either of you or any one else out there. I believe that we all have a very important place in the world, adding to the awareness of people who have such interesting personalities and the people who accompany them.
I send love to everyone here and in our world at large. WE make a difference and isn’t that what life is all about!
Karen
Are there any video clips available that I may use to put in a lecture on Asperger Syndrome? I have bougth the DVD but do you have an editable version? Thanks.
Susan W Brooks, LCSW
Hello to All and Especially the Gottlieb Family,
I have to say that Today’s Man is the first thing I’ve found that actually shows some of the dilemmas a person with Aspergers and his family experience on a day-to-day basis. Cognitive intelligence is not a guarantee of being able to transition into an independent, self-sufficient adulthood. Today’s Man is a tool that I plan to share as much as possible with young adults with Aspergers, families and professionals. As a parent I really worry about how my daughter will go on without me. Today’s Man will help me to educate others so hopefully I can get things in good shape for her to be independent.
I am part of a program at Ohio State University called Aspirations. It is a series of 9 classes for young adults with Aspergers, PDD-NOS, and HFA to teach social skills and independent living skills. Some of the young adults are very resistant to coming due to the fact that they have coped on their own and believe that everything is ok. Some have college degrees, many are in college, some have part-time jobs with support, some are in high school, some are at home hoping to find something to do. Some of the young adults find Aspirations a place where they can be who they are and talk about what is hard for them – especially social situations that haven’t gone well. I have volunteered to meet with the parents while the young adults have their classes. It is amazing how similar our struggles as parents have been. There are no magic answers but just sharing helps us parents to feel like we are not alone and can problem solve some times and share resources that have helped or not.
Once the young adults and parents have completed the 9 classes, they can go on to the monthly Reunion Meetings. The young adults do social things and informational programs while the parents meet. Some of the activities have included kayaking (with special support), going out for pizza, shopping for gifts. They have had speakers like a person from OSU sharing about dating and having them role play. They also had people from Disability Services from OSU and Columbus State Community College come share how disability accomodations work. I have found for the parents that this is a golden opportunity to have guest speakers – people one would like to meet and this group provides the perfect opportunity. We have had lawyers, a local psychiatrist,people from the college Disability Services office come share with us.
The person who runs this program is Jeff Siegel and his email address is Siegel.45@osu.edu
I have also started a group called Beyond Us – Families of Adults with Aspergers, PDD-NOS, HFA. We have had only two meetings so far but I see this group as an active force to get out among the disabilities community and the people in charge – to make ourselves known with the hope of making things right for our young adults. We are determined that they be safe and have a life of their own – Beyond Us. I hope we can eventually invite a legislator or two to our meetings. We need help to do things like housing that will help with the problem of isolation. Also, we need to get things in place to provide stability so having food and shelter is not dependent upon income earned from employment. And probably most important – we need to find ways to help our young adults live their lives to their potential (especially after we’re gone), so they don’t just sit at home watching tv, playing video games, and fearing leaving home.
Thank you again, Lizzie, for making something so special – for sharing your brother, your parents, and your heart. Thank you, Nicky, for helping us understand what life is truly like for you. I wish you both the best and hope to get updates on what you, Nicky, are doing.
Nancy Beu
NancyBeu@aol.com
Columbus, Ohio
Dear Liz, Nick, Joy Wheeler, et al,
As an adult man (almost 40) with a recent diagnosis as a textbook case of Asperger’s, I have found a disappointing dearth of resources available to assist with my navigation through neurotypicalland. I was adopted at an early age, and only recently learned of my birthparents. Interestingly, Joy, I am a Wheeler, and my half brother is autistic. Further, my father is an almost carbon copy Aspie, but does not want to acknowledge our similarities, to my amusement. Anyway, the Wheeler Y chromosome seems to have Asperger’s coding, and you have provided additional support to the hypothesis.
Liz, I thank you for your effort and sincere care for us Aspies. Certainly I do not desire to be ‘cured,’ but do find discrimination against me in almost every workplace environment- which, as is common, has forced me to work from home to survive at all. The toughest part of having Asperger’s is being just functional enough to survive while also not being socially acceptable enough to excel, therefore no help is available. Scorn and rejection are our common experiences. Sure, I can tell you the day of week for any date and spurt out the decimal expansion of pi from a stream of consciousness and at a rate of hundreds of digits per minute, but I remain alien in a world of dishonesty and dishonor. Life would be much easier if we were to build our own community or township inhabited exclusively by Aspies- for only we truly understand and can trust each other.
Perhaps as resources continue to improve thanks to the efforts of good people like you, Liz, neurotypicals will grow to respect and assist our unique condition, for it is largely we who invent and bring new insights to civilization. Nurturing and assisting us often directly benefits society as a whole. As a friend of mine noted, if I had my rent covered for just a few years, relieving that huge burden off my consciousness, my mind could concentrate to complete my physics and electronic breakthroughs to bring new motors and energy production systems to market. In days of old, kings and queens assisted the brightest minds such as to improve the kingdom. In today’s world, politics and popularity, and verily demographics, control availability of financial resources, ultimately defaulting to the lowest common denominator. The world economy suffers, as any with a broad scope of attention can decipher. What a world we live in when tomorrow’s world is sold for today’s profit. But tomorrow will come. It is up to us to prepare. And in helping Aspies, and others with gifted minds, that future will be a better place indeed.
I have both watched the film and met with both Nicky and Lizzy and I am just honored to say that I also have aspeger’s and lizzy’s film is a wonderful portrayal of her brother and is a wonderful film that both people who have aspergers and those who have family members or friends that have this condition should watch in order to maybe get a better understanding of what living with aspergers is like.
BRAVO Lizzy and Nicky
Hi,
I am responding because Lizzy’s statement about difficulty finding and providing services to the adult population with AS is so true. I worked in adult services with a parent who is nationally know for her advocacy for adult services…and in our state compared to others they are better. But the problem I find as I work more with adolescents with Asperger’s is the combined problems of depression, anxiety and then the social issues that are part of the syndrome. I have found that if the therapist, school and person providing behavior or social training are working together as a team, then the individual can transition with minimal supports –but it requires a team effort with willingness for therapist if involved being open to change their methods a bit. It also requiers interventions within the home, as tranfering methods from an office to home setting is very difficult. I have had some success with this, and in others it just does not happen. Individuals with AS are so amazing and have so much to offer, but there is often so much difficulty getting others to understand. Encourage all members to get together and share information–not stay on each other’s turf–it can make a very big difference.
Dear Lizzie and Nicky,
Thank-you for sharing your story.
I anxiously await it being on TV Tuesday.
My own dear son, a teenager, has been given this label to
help him identify he may need assistance to navigate this world.
I have come to see him not as one bit disabled, but alternately
abled and he gets to be an angel here on earth to keep people
grounded in our humanity. He reminds us it is our calling to look out for one another. That should not be a hardship.
I hope Nicky accepts he has a certain skill set that comes easy
for him, perhaps a skill set that is difficult for him, maybe
even a set of third skills he may not ever have. Remind yourself
Nicky we all have 3 skill sets. I am really quick at talking,
slower at listening, and I will never be a track star, or a
down hill ski racer. All of that is okay. I try to put myself
where talking is what is required, listening to a lesser degree
and not where I have to do any athletic competing.
Collect data on people’s skill sets and surround yourself with persons whose strengths support your weaker areas, and who are in
need of your strength. Life is reciprocal, more than you know.
Thank-you again for sharing your story knowledge is power.
BLF.
Dearest Nicky, Lizzie (& Maria & Bob):
What a wonderful pleasure and blessing to come across the articles on your documentary! I will most certainly watch it tonight – as will Lila and Brian – who sent the articles my way! Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Nicky, I remember our dear friendship in grade school. To this day I have fond memories of spending time with you and your loving family over playdates as children. Of course, how could I forget your amazing thoughfulness as a friend and of the birthday cards in the mail long after grade school graduation. I have often wondered how you and your family are doing. I’m so proud of you and your sister for coming forward with this groundbreaking personal story.
I hope to hear from you!
Your friend and fellow July baby,
Ruah
Hi Nicky,
I enjoyed the film; thanks for sharing your story with us.
In the film you mention wanting to meet other people who have Asperger’s. I am wondering if you participate in any of the internet chat rooms and message boards for people with Asperger’s and other kinds of ASD? If not, you may want to check them out. There are some “Aspie” groups on MySpace, too.
Take care,
Melissa
What a wonderful movie! Now Nicky is a glamorous star — a very handsome man with great taste in movies and music. He is very lucky to have a loving, dedicated, educated, financially comfortable family. I know several young, and not so young, (mostly) males who are challenged by their places “on the spectrum”. It was encouraging to see the group meeting.
Thank you for making this very, very good film.
Has the film been shown at any Jewish Film Festivals?
I will suggest this be considered for our local JFF.
By the way, what WAS that awful MTC production??
Also, I fondly recall Maria’s many performances at WTF.
Wendy
Massachusetts
This is a remarkably sensitive, intelligent and straightforward film. Thanks!
Wonderful film! My son is autistic (he will be five in March) and I am so pleased to see a matter-of-fact representation of an adult on the spectrum.
Thank you Gottleib Family! I hope it is a beautiful day in your neighborhood
I just caught the tail end of this film and was so excited to see it. I am a teacher at a very small private school in Colorado. We currently work with students with learning differences and I have four Asberger’s students in my class. I absolutely adore each one of them, they bring a whole different perspective on the world we inhabit. I am constantly learning new ways to observe my world through their eyes and someday more people may recognize that this is the way our world is supposed to be. There is no normality in people and if there was we would be a very boring and uncreative race. I am truly inspired by Nicky and would love to have him come visit my students so he can see that very slowly in our part of the world we are helping people understand this wonderful group of humans.
THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU LIZZIE. I THINK YOU NEED AS MUCH HELP AS YOUR BROTHER, IF NOT MORE. There is one scene in the film where the sister (and I am assuming the sister in the film is Lizzie? My apologies if I am wrong) is complaining to her mother about the possibility of taking care of her brother in the future, and if somehow the mother and son(Nicky) could get a plan of action that would begin the process of decreasing her reponsibility in the situation. First of all, Lizzie, your fake sense of caring for your brother is probably doing more harm than good. I think you need some counseling if you actually consider yourself “helping” your brother in such a reluctant manner. Then, you have the audacity to make a documentary with the motive of getting credit and capitalizing off of your brother’s misfortune? How insane the ones are who consider themselves normal. As if that’s not enough, you use the phrase “fascinating disorder ” at the very end of your little self-inflated proclamation about the film, which is extremely insensitive to the situation. You should be ashmaed of yourself. There is nothing “fascinating” about a young man who is struggling daily to simply fit in and feel comfortable in life. There is nothing “fascinating” about a person with a disorder that creates struggle and suffering. If you, Lizzie, are indeed the same sister who complained about the amount of responsibility you presently have with your brother, I am very sad for your friends and family who have to put up with such a bratty, insensitive woman as yourself, especially for poor Nicky who has to endure the “bothersome” and “charitable” outlook and feelings of his sister’s reluctance in “helping” him.
It was one lucky morning, January 9th, around 2am, that I stumbled upon this edition of Independent Lense, “Today’s Man.” From the start I was captivated by the story that was being told, of how well the sincerity of the family, the parents, Nicky, and his filmaker sister, was delivered through this documentary. It truly is an incredible film.
The ending also makes us think more of our humanity, because as adults, many are faced with situations of caring for older adults – our parents, adult children with handicaps, and others with situations unique like Nicky.
Thank you for sharing your story and life.
I read an article in today’s (01/09/08) St. Pete Times (TBT) written by Felicia R. Lee (New York Times) regarding “Today’s Man.” It was the first I heard of it. And the first time I recognized MY BROTHER in someone else. Thank you for sharing your story. Let me share mine with you. My brother, Charles, just turned 49 in November. It’s hard to believe he’s almost 50…except for his gray hair, he’s very young looking…and acting. He has no wrinkles…and he still has a look of innocence in his eyes, albiet they have a far away look in them. Like your brother, Nicky, “Charlie” was never diagnosed properly. As a baby he didn’t crawl…he scooted. He didn’t talk much, so when he had something to say we all listened (I should mention that I am 8 years older than my brother…my sister is 10 years older than him). One day when he was about 3 he started talking and I could swear he was saying what I was reading on the television screen (credits were rolling by). He was! So we asked him what else he could read and pulled out a newspaper…which he read with ease. After that my friends would have him entertain them. They would give him a date in history (e.g., 1066) and ask him what happened then…of course, he always knew. He had a hard time in school…by the time he got to high school he was well known as being “different,” but no one could tell us why. He graduated with honors, even though he still couldn’t tie his shoes. He went on to college and earned a degree in accounting but, like Nicky, he still hasn’t mastered shaving. It’s good to finally have a name for what makes Charlie different…and to know we’re not alone. Forty-five years ago…we thought we were. We didn’t know how someone so gifted (and adorable) could still struggle with everyday life. I can’t wait to view your film.
I wondered if the parents sheltered him too much. I wonder if they insulated him from the hard truth that you can’t always debate with people, you have to do what bosses tell you to do, and you can’t expect life to always be happy.
Dear Ms. Gottlieb,
I just finished watching the beautiful piece about your brother and wanted to thank you. I was tremendously moved by his and your family’s story and I thank you and him for the willingness to be so open in sharing this with us.
I have a very close friend who is so brilliant, and incredible memory for detail of music, math, films, philosphy, computers and he has such difficulty with his social skills and impulses. Things slip out of his mouth that make it very difficult for him to live in the world. He can’t keep a job no matter how talented he is with computers because inevitably he says the wrong thing. He was born into a family with much mental illness who responded to his poor social skills with abuse and severe neglect. His brilliance has confused social service agencies who have also neglected him and not provided him with the support system that he needs, especially without a family that would stick by him. He has been homeless and on the verge of homelessness many times due to losing jobs or saying the wrong things to landlords. The funny thing is that what he says usually is true. He just has no ability to judge when is the right time, place and person to say it to.
I am a social worker who has struggled to help him to become more stable and it has not been easy. Not easy because his family is not available, most social service agencies make it very difficult to access the help that is needed and mediating between my friend’s lovable but extremely difficult personality and the world has been challenging.
After watching your story about Nicky I wonder whether my friend has Aspergers. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, Bipolar, Impulse Disorder and schizophrenia amongst other diagnoses over the years. I am going to look further into Aspergers and see if we can get any further along.
It was an honor to watch a family who is loving in the midst of the challenges. Thank you and I wish you, your brother and your family all the best.
Most sincerely yours,
Laura
Excellent movie, thanks so much for making it!
As a mid-30’s Adult Aspie in San Francisco, I am amazed at how many resources there are in New England for Adult Aspies. I would love to have gone to that Adult Aspie support group.
But there are some Adult Asperger’s groups and events in Northern California, and I run an email list where such events get announced. I hope it will be okay to announce it here. The web page to join is:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/NorCalAdultAspies/
Please read the description before joining to make sure this group is right for you.
Thanks again for making the film; it was really reassuring to see someone else going through the same stuff I deal with.
bravo – wonderful, sensitive touching film that resonated with the wonder of people who live on the boundary lines and see and experience life differently then the society at large – i love how you opened up the film with his metaphor of being born by the wind – brilliant –
coincidentally i too am working on a sound/photo portraits series “BoundaryLINES” and “Madness & God” that might resonate with you (see below or JamesKusel.com)
i spend a lot of time with people who have been hospitalized for having both the gift and curse of thinking and seeing things differently – and i like to say are “too sensitive and often too smart for their own good” they see things maybe we who are so called more well adjusted wish we could see and at other times glad we don’t see them – they desperately want to belong and at the same time are afraid of not belonging and wish they could they could blindly go along to get along like many of us in society – we pretend we are sleep walking pretend we are numb and dumb and zombies – but inside we all know the world is not what it appears to be… and yet we all have a little of the wonder like Nick who has glimpses of the unimaginable who see the world with wonder and delight or horror or both but differently. some of us deny we feel and some of us wear our insides on the outside like Nick and there is much we can learn from Nick and people who are different
it also struck me as Nick said he needs the tools to handle life on lifes terms but he doesn’t know where to find them or where is where – he not only doesn’t fit the world but the world doesn’t fit him and he is aware of this too – he too walks the boundaryLINES between his world and reality and what i believe he is silently crying out for is tools, reality checks that many people have learned for better or worse –
in more primary times people like Nick and many others who society in its psycho-phobia lump together under the term mental illness; these were the people you went to, to get insights into life
BoundaryLINE is a series of ongoing conversation (work in progress) with my dear friend James Kusel who has what some have diagnosed as bi-polar and he calls himself a bi-polar bear because he swims in the winter and says “he was brought up by the mental health system” has developed his own reality check tools that might resonate with some – you can hear james and i in conversation talking at JamesKusel.com – food for thought
geo@JamesKusel.com
————————- my response on the pbs website
bravo – wonderful, sensitive touching film that resonated with the wonder of people who see and experience life differently then the society at large – in primary times people like Nick were seen as having special gifts, insights into life and the humanity – we discard these gifts because they don’t fit our norm and yet these people are the dreamers the artist who see life differently not for what it is but for what it could be – we can learn much from Nick – but one thing i think worth thinking about is maybe Nick is an artist a dreamer, somebody who has a special gift to climb metaphors and trees and sing about the wonder of things – i think we need to appreciate people like Nick for who they are and not romanticize or demonize them but enjoy them – we can learn much from Nick – like the wind we all come from – keep dreaming and fighting for your dreams Nick even if it just feeling the wave of calm and quiet and the possibilities in watching Mr. Rogers Neighborhood – sanity and normality is over rated – geo (at) JamesKusel.com
Bravo Lizzy….. Bravo Nicky….. Bravo Maria and Bravo Bob…your honesty is extremely poignant the dilemma is clearly spelled out and real. I appreciate the clarity honesty and love it is made with. It is a rare moment that one can articulate all these feelings (((in front of a camera)))and keep it pure .. and not be afraid to express….. I saw Todays Man on the air the other night and have been thinking about it since…. I know I came from an extremely complex family and unfortunatlely there was NO forum to feel and communicate … no less my sister.. nor my parents so that is why I honor this expression so much..
Thank You Lizzie….. Thank You Nicky .. Thank you Maria and thank you Bob
I miss you all…. maybe we can make a moment. Love Marjory
Amazing. Magical. Thank you.
Oh my goodness–
Our PBS station aired this in the wee hours–3:30 if I recall. Let me tell you–it was well worth getting up that early. I’ve been recommending this dvd to everyone I know with a child on the spectrum. So beautifully done. I laughed and cried because as a parent I’ve lived some of the same situations. Thank you and bless you!!!
Hi there,
I really am sorry to be posting this blog on your site Nicky but in Jan I ordered online and paid for 2 copies of your movie that I wanted to give as gifts to my sister whose son has autism and my best friend whose son has Asbergers. I have never received the copies of the film and have tried twice to send emails to the email addresses I could find to ask why I have not received my copies.
If you could help me with this I would really appreciate it.
thanks
Anne
Dear Nicky and Lizzy,
I have been a teacher for fifteen years. In those years I have been a magnet for children with different learning styles because I know that, what is most important to being a true educator, is to BE with the children, as Who they are. You cannot teach someone unless you acknowledge, accept and understand them, thereby enabling them to be present in the room.
I have taught kids with ADD, ADHD, Asperger’s, autism, dyslexia, severe depression, selective mutism, and more. Last year out of 19 kids, they gave me 17 with learning differences, with no aides to help. Other teachers told me I had to just let some kids “go”, not to worry about them, but there is no one who comes to me that I will not connect to in order to understand how they function best and who they are.
I have taken a year’s leave of absence this year to study all of these learning styles and have come up with an astounding, affirming, paradigm-changing understanding of what is going on. These are not “abnormalities” that we are seeing but rather the evolution of the human consciousness through a re-embrace of the right brain, the place of empathy, inspirations of genius, the love of music, movement, drama, insight into human personal growth, technical and/or hands-on giftedness, and connection, indeed, “to the wind”.
I have written an article that I would very much like to send to you. In it, I address the giftedness of many different types of individuals who have been wrongly categorizing as with “abnormalities”. Instead of abnormalilties, these individuals have an orientation toward a new “normal” …toward compassion, profound understandings, and behaviors that can save us all from the left-brain, linear thought-driven systems and invasive world that we have created.
Peggy Magilen email:pmagilen@mac.com
Hi. You might want to consider trying infrared brain stimulation. I have AS and while I’m still in the dark about how safe this treatment is, I haven’t regret it (it has been 5 years now).
Before this, I tried several ordinary things, gluten&casein free diet etc. but nothing really worked until this. It made a HUGE difference. Life used to be so hard, my diaries were filled with somewhat bizarre thoughts because I had so much trouble understanding myself and others and making out what I actually felt so I could express it in words. Before I had to do a lot of “offline-processing” (out of social situations) to make at least some progress. I could go on and on… It didn’t change everything. I don’t work, for example because ATM I’m still too depressed for that. But my sense of self is much clearer and that has given me more self-respect. Living independently also isn’t so much of a burden anymore. You said in the documentary that watching TV makes you happy and you don’t want to give that up. I can relate to that but deeper inside you there is a want and not just a want but a need, to go beyond that, to be free of the TV. And not free as in financially independent necessarily, although that is a big thing too, but first of all, to become less dependent of attachments.
IT’s very cheap, under $100. But it is experimental. I have a few extra devices so if you’d like one, you could just send it back if it doesn’t work for you (I know of only one other AS-person who has tried it, with success though) and get a refund. I do live in Finland though, and the shipping charges are $13 one-way and you’d have to get a local 110V/12V transformer for it.
If others are interested, you may also contact me. ericwheelman@gmail.com
If you’re not interested in this for any reason, check out “rTMS Asperger’s” in google. You’ll come up with some interesting anecdotal experience as well for that method.
For those who are offended because of my suggestion of changing brain chemistry this way, I’m not sure what to say. I know there are philosophical and ethical aspects to consider. But… personally I think that while these kind of inventions should not be used to justify a homogenous society or fix the effects of bad parenting, they should be available for those who’d like to use them.
If I were a parent of a baby AS child, and knowing how positive the effects were on me, I might be tempted to use it on him/her. Simply because I would very much question the necessity of his/her suffering to come because of endless misunderstandings and lack of empathy from peers and folks outside family. Maybe one should wait until the child can talk sufficiently to voice his/her thoughts about the effects. But anyway, life with AS is going to be a challenge anyway – I would like to ask, does it have to be a very difficult struggle?
email me ericwheelman at gmail dot com